Just for fun-zees
Marcus
PS-Thank you for listening last night, I wouldn’t of told anyone if you hadn’t asked hahaha. :]
So I’m sitting in physiology and as the professor is going over chemical messengers in the cells, I’m quite bored. Not cause the material is boring, but because I’ve seen the information before. I’ve learned all about this in AP bio and while it’s not that fresh in my mind, professor the voice you have is……..soooo…….I can’t even think of the word. It’s fucking annoying. I don’t understand how you can stand up there and drone about cell biology. How can your voice be so annoying? Oh my god, I need to find my bio notes, then I’m using your lectures as nap time till we get to sometime more organ related.
At least class is over now xD
Marcus
My life is a roller costar. Not a very original analogy, but I my mind is tapped of creative power. In the last couple months though my emotions have flipped back an forth then I care to count. For a few days it’ll be sunshine and rainbows, then for a few days it’ll be rainy days and black skies. Then sometimes it’s more of a deeper hate. But the thing that really bugs me the most is this feeling of being soo….disconnected. Disconnected from everyone. My friends, my family. Even people I see everyday in school. I can’t seem to find a connection to them.
Sometimes I wonder about my life. I’ve got a plan, to get my nursing degree and then work. Find a wife and start a family, grow up. Yet when I stop to look at my life, it seems very empty.
Sometimes in the day I stop and I find myself not really feeling like myself. Like I’m a husk of myself. The inside was gutted out, and this shell that everyone sees isn’t really me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m on autopilot. Go to school, study, go home, study, eat etc. It might be cause school just started and I haven’t gotten back into my routine, but I don’t know.
There is this trend I see more and more in my life and it’s this feeling of emptiness. I remember in psychology when we were studying mental disorders, depression was one that stood out. People with depression suffer from ups and downs, sever ups and downs. I’m not saying my ups and downs are fucking crazy, but they don’t make sense. It’s like I have no control over when I’m happy and when I’m not anymore, everything is up in limbo. Then there’s the small concern I have :/
On the up side, I notice whenever I do exercise, I do feel more like myself. Not exactly happy, but more normal. Maybe some physical therapy is what I need hahahaha.
I don’t know, I’m trying to stay optimistic about it, but I don’t think I can pretend everything is all right when it becomes more and more obvious that it’s not. It’s hard when two people have told me I don’t smile much anymore. For now I’ll see how I feel, but if things don’t improve by the end of the month, well, we’ll see when the end of the month comes.
Marcus
Last night I had a dream. It was one of the more vivid dreams I’ve had in awhile. I had hoped to remember my dream so I could share it with you all but that won’t work anymore cause I’ve forgotten most of it. So I’ll give you all the bare bone version.
It played out like a movie. The theme was a zombie infection, well more like an alien invasion similar to body snatchers. In the beginning, everything was normal and peaceful. Till some people started acting strange, devoid of human emotions, like body snatchers. I’m walking around in the mall with my partner in crime who I don’t even remember at all. I just remember another presence. So we’re walking around as slowly more and more people start to change and act all weird. So we both walked quickly out of the mall, but suddenly they started chasing us. We ran through a hallway and somehow we ended up in a school area. We saw people sitting at a table working on homework. I recognized them as people from SJSU and my partner decided to see whats up with them. I had this gut feeling that they were infected and sure enough, once they saw us one of them started chasing us. We ran through this field of chest high weeds and for some reason I was barefoot cause I stepped on a twig and it cut my foot. So I tumbled down and my partner was taken down by our pursuer. They wrestled nearby and I spotted a water spigot. Again, my gut told me that if I shot water into the nose of our pursuer, she would return to normal. So I wrestled her nose on to the spigot and opened up the water. She flew back and her eyes cleared up and I knew we could change everything back to the way it was. My partner and I took turns at the spigot just in case we were infected and as I awoke from my dream I saw the people slowly regaining their former selves. As my eyes opened I thought to myself “Oh yeah, I’m the bomb” and went to brush my teeth, hahahaha.
Marcus
PS- Is it normal to feel in your dream? In this dream when I stepped on that twig, it really hurt, a lot! Before I dreamed I was falling and when I woke up I felt like I really hit the ground hard. I’ve woken up sweating before, drooling all over myself, and other odd things (though they don’t happen often). It’s kind of weird when I think about it, what if I die in my dream and actually die in real life? That would kind of suck!
I took this from my cousin’s Facebook and wanted to share it.
“People break, but the human factor lets them heal, which is the only miracle I can see every day.”-Derrick Chang
Marcus
PS-My father made an interesting comment last night, “the good things in life always cost less”. Think about it.
I wonder if anyone can figure out my title. I think it should be too hard. The XXX shouldn’t be hard anyways hahaha. So today while I was eating dinner I had a random thought, what is really the greatest way to show you love someone? What really shows that two people are so in to each other that they’re in love with each other? I didn’t really go through a whole list of things that could be done cause I narrowed my question down pretty quickly to a ^3^ or XXX. Which of the two shows love? At first I thought obviously XXX would have to be the answer. I mean if you didn’t love someone, why would you do it? But that totally contradicts everything I believe in. Perhaps there does need to be chemistry to have XXX with someone, but then I thought, if I had XXX with her, would I ^3^ her too? Reminded me of a question someone asked me from a year back, “Would you ^3^ your XXX buddy on the lips?” To me XXX is one of those things you do when you need to or the time is right. It’s a way to communicate and express yourself with other people. It can be as romantic and intimate as anything else, or as casual as a walk in the park. But a ^3^, there is no two ways about it. When someone ^3^ you on the lips, even if it’s short, it should always say the same thing, “I love you”. Not to say that having XXX couldn’t say the same thing, but in my mind a ^3^ says it much more sincerely.
So that was my 2 minute thought over dinner, good night 
Marcus
So it is now 12:46 on the morning of Martin Luther King Jr.’s day. What have I done so far? Well I’ve surfed the web! I discovered how to spot fake boobs from real ones, learned about 3 new facts about the male genitals, one or two for the female genitals, that sex is good for the heart so have more sex America cause we all know we’ll have a heart attack sooner or later. I jest about all of us having a heart attack, I think only a few of us will hahaha. But in my randomness I was looking through my astrological sign and compatibility with other signs. It is interesting when you read through them you start to think and say to yourself, wow these are pretty accurate. But sometimes I have to ask, are these all true about me? Do I really “possess penetrating eyes which make my shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before me”? It’s not such a leap when they say “Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac” cause sometimes I do feel a little more above the others (oops, there goes my ego). Another thought came to mind as well. If all Scorpios are like me, am I really that unique? Though I doubt you’ll find another person like me regardless of how many times you’ve seen the world, I still wonder. Oh my, I had another thought coming along but the whiteness on my screen has blanked it out. Reminds me of that Kids Next Doors episode where Number 1 was in class and he claimed that the children had created the adults much like how the humans created the machines in the matrix and the role of master and servant changed with lots of spanking. How he claimed the reason the children had forgotten their history was the florecent tube lights and the constant buzzing they produce. The buzzing, enginneered by the adults to alter their memories into thinking that adults had created the children. Oh happy days of childhood, they seem quite distant now. Damn I feel old though I do turn 20 in what? 10 months hahaha.
Back to the whole astrological thing though, if anything reading the generic descriptions from dozens of sites and books I do seem some truth in what they say. Yes, I am passionate for the things I like to do. Yes, I do become jealous and resentful when I see people better then me. Yes, I hate being lied to and used more then anything else in the world. Yes, I think it’s fair to say I do make a decent friend. Yes, I do come with a “fragile” label.
Now I’m drawing another blank, damn the white screen. *sigh* I think I’ll end this for tonight cause my planned blog has become a free write of my thoughts. Good night, buenos noches, bonne nuit, wan an, gute nacht yeah, that’s all I got for tonight. See you around.
Side note, yesterday was quite fun, I’d love to play poker with all you guys and gals again some time soon The memory shall be dedicated to the pages of my diary.
Marcus
